Defying people's choices

Making this short as am running out of time. (ok it's a contradiction coz I won't possibly still be crapping here if am desperately busy) Just to express certain disatisfactions here nicely, knowingly I have limited readers. XD

I need some time of my own, seriously!!! *relieved.* I know I look awkward when it comes to meeting most people just because I've so limited time to spend and have less time for social. Anyway I don't know if it's because I've defied everyone's choice. But I think there's nothing wrong with me making any decisions. I've no such social responsibility to make everyone happy. While most people don't really perform their social responsibility well, I don't see the reason why should I be fearful to defy them, so long as I know it's the right way to go. I just don't care, no matter how poker your faces can be. I got how horrible your faces can be already, don't have to keep reminding me everytime you see me by wearing that skema type of face.

Anyway, it's the last day of sept. Time to wake up. Wish Oct can turn out to be an awesome month for me. *pray* :)

So Yesterday

Am in the midst of covering up asses for the upcoming exams and am still in the mood of blogging. Whoopie. Guess I always have this bad habit, of having ideas popping into my head in the midst of studies. =.=

Have been very addicted to "Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum recently. And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind? For me it happens all the time. Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.

All these lines were once so true. But all these were just so yesterday. I've gotten over it, and I know it's pointless at this stage reminiscing the perfectly perfect moments when someone would text you, reminding you not to go out of the room all alone in this scary midnight, reminding you that you're still alive in the midst of meeting dead ends for endless reports and work; or someone being so worried because you replied message late just because you went out and had some happy walk in the park, enjoying the breeze with your besties. All these were so yesterday. And I treasure every of these moments, even though you might not remember or even know that you've been so important. And was such a reliable reminder for me. =)

And certain things that I finally comprehend. That there'll always be an invisible gap between any 2 persons of different background. Don't spill everything just because you think you're close enough. Things might turn out to be misinterpreted so badly. It's for the betterment, nonetheless, though was done in a slightly brutal way making me so guilty with the outcome.

Guilt doesn't help. It has made me consider and reconsider, if I'm fit to be here. Or if I'm even favoured to be here. I know it's pointless having such negative thoughts. Should save all the hassles and put into improving myself. But just. Perhaps all these will come to an end soon. It's just a transition period that I just need to bear with and get over it. Don't even think of quitting when I've already clung so tightly to it! :D

Holidays. Even 2 weeks is not enough. Gross. Am going back to reality shortly. Gahh. Should put anxiety into passion where so much surprises awaits and October is coming! Err.. OK. Ya. WILL! :D

Lucks for upcoming exams and events. It's gonna be a blast! Wake me up when September ends.. It marks that October's coming too! ;)

Lil thoughts.

1. Don't trust something too much. Promising guarantees are never absolute.

2. I was never in a position to give any comments, so don't have to apply double standard on me. I just won't go into your way.

3. And so I left. Though I'm reluctant to, and don't have to.

4. Avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it. It could also mean you like it, but you just know it isn't right. Well, I knew it.

5. Being avoided doesn't always mean that you're at fault. It could also mean you're being liked and protected in a different way. =)

旻弈大人请振作 orz

真希望自己能够做到五蠹不侵的境界。每次警惕了自己的事、答应了自己要卸下的包袱，始终不能乖乖地将之放下。虽然这种期待是快乐的，但是沉默太久回首反省时，又有种说不出所以然的失落感，笑问一切是否值得时更是自责。放下，真的是一门学问。很多时候都会睹物思人、触景生情，沉溺在以往的欢笑，有时又会一直活在对未来计划的憧憬中，因之忘了把握当下。真是目光浅短，呜呼哀哉！>.<


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啊啊啊~~ 全能的水旻弈，请振作点！！！

Mortals

Have actually been pondering on so many things lately. So many things, that I'm too lazy to write that down. Friendship, relationship, kinship, passion, all the mortal stuff in this world. So many things arose, that forced me into accepting the fact (again) that nothing's absolute. Even if it's long lost friend, that nowadays you don't find the passion in contacting each other anymore, it doesn't absolutely mean you hate him/her. Vice versa. Environment changes, forcing people to change. Everything seems so fragile.

That very pessimistic idea has once brought me into believing that it's best not to put in too much of passion into anything. The wisest thing to do is to keep a balance. Too much of pessimism makes someone passive, unambitious and dull. Be passionate in everything we do, yet not to let anything harm us. The only non-evolving theory is “evolution” itself. Don't be too depressed over something, at the same time, don't be overjoyed. Sounds like a philosopher, sounds like acting wise, but these are the points that I've been demanding myself to achieve this.

Life's been boring as well lately. Sigh. I know that actually depends on how wise I intend it to be, but, sigh, really have no idea since when I've turned into man with thousand worries. >.< (Sighing twice within a sentence doesn't sound like a good start though) Hope I can awesomely survive this month, before more “FUN” awaits!

But above all, I still believe in certain immortal things that I can still have faith in. Religion, which is a very subjective idea, that so long you believe in your own God's existence, He'll always be there; parents' love which is always the purest; and myself.

Mom's talk about having siblings =.=

Me: Mom, how is it like to have siblings?

Mom: Biasa lah. Nothing special.

Me: ??

Mom: When you're young, siblings can play with you. But as everyone grow, everyone'll be focusing on their lives. In the end, have siblings = no siblings. It's the same!

Me: Oooh.


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This is not the answer I was expecting laaa mom. >.<

Blessed kid don't ask for more yea

Totally sleepless yesterday night though was really tired. >.<

Neeway, this is a reflection (the sound of it reminds me of reflective writing for PPD >.<) from yesterday's low-quality sleep. I've been unhappy for not having autonomy on everything. Come to think of it, I shouldn't really been complaining on over-protective parents when a lot of orphans don't even get to know their parents. Lotsa miracles have happened to me, deadliest Bio improved from C5 to A1 in high school, getting a seemingly prosperous course in an average local uni, and passed 1st anatomy exam, etc. O.o So I should really eliminate the thought of quitting my course just because I prefer a more relaxing life later. I asked for it, so should now behave and continue what I've started. I'm really grateful for the blessings and miracles and should then not demand for any more stuff.

Getting a house to stay in is already lucky enough, so stop complaining about home; getting enough (sometimes more than enough, though) food is good enough, so stop complaining about gaining weight; and the list goes on. Hope I don't sound like an ah-ma but All in all, just be grateful for everything you have. (am telling myself that, too)..

Cheers.. :D (though am really depressed with the dark circles around my eyes)