Is it justified to support a person's decision, if the decision benefits the person, but hurts me in between? I just couldn't comprehend why must things be that bad.
OK, and so I supported the decision. To me, more importantly is to deal with how's life gonna be from now on. But to pretend that things had never occured and continue with my revision as usual, that I can't.
That decision might be right, but might be wrong. Now that I've decided, I guess that's to prevent further unhappiness. At least now everything can resolve in peace. We're financially alright, but is this what we really need?
Fine, probably yes. But I'm just here to say, that though things are bad now, I'm happy that you existed in my life before. I'll never grow up to be the same person without you. You taught me many things, though sometimes in brutal ways, brutal for a lil girl I once was. But still, that makes me who I am today.
Probably there're still stuff I'm not ready to do without you. But I know, as I'm walking towards 20 and walking away from carefree 1X era, this is what I must do alone. How I wish there's a shoulder to lean on, but now I doubt its reliability.
I detest the fact of being the only child. And now, this is where my journey and responsibilities begin. Alone.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Growing Up
Ah, the last day of being 18. Should probably have enjoyed myself, get wild on this day, but there're just so many things awaiting. Stacks of notes, miserably. I wouldn't mind if it's stacks of Conan comics awaiting though. =.=
Wish I could go to Neverland like PeterPan. But then again, he needs to give up his parents, the people he loves. So, nothin' comes easy. Guess I'mma crapping here, but it's just something that I feel like shouting out.
Couldn't get why am I so afraid of growing up though. Probably the commitment and responsibility and maturity and courtesy and charisma that it takes to be an adult? Dunno.
...
OK, should go back to reality and practise for Clinical Examination tomorrow now. LUCKS!
The-18-year-old-ever-oh-so-young me.
Wish I could go to Neverland like PeterPan. But then again, he needs to give up his parents, the people he loves. So, nothin' comes easy. Guess I'mma crapping here, but it's just something that I feel like shouting out.
Couldn't get why am I so afraid of growing up though. Probably the commitment and responsibility and maturity and courtesy and charisma that it takes to be an adult? Dunno.
...
OK, should go back to reality and practise for Clinical Examination tomorrow now. LUCKS!
The-18-year-old-ever-oh-so-young me.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Defying people's choices
Making this short as am running out of time. (ok it's a contradiction coz I won't possibly still be crapping here if am desperately busy) Just to express certain disatisfactions here nicely, knowingly I have limited readers. XD
I need some time of my own, seriously!!! *relieved.* I know I look awkward when it comes to meeting most people just because I've so limited time to spend and have less time for social. Anyway I don't know if it's because I've defied everyone's choice. But I think there's nothing wrong with me making any decisions. I've no such social responsibility to make everyone happy. While most people don't really perform their social responsibility well, I don't see the reason why should I be fearful to defy them, so long as I know it's the right way to go. I just don't care, no matter how poker your faces can be. I got how horrible your faces can be already, don't have to keep reminding me everytime you see me by wearing that skema type of face.
Anyway, it's the last day of sept. Time to wake up. Wish Oct can turn out to be an awesome month for me. *pray* :)
I need some time of my own, seriously!!! *relieved.* I know I look awkward when it comes to meeting most people just because I've so limited time to spend and have less time for social. Anyway I don't know if it's because I've defied everyone's choice. But I think there's nothing wrong with me making any decisions. I've no such social responsibility to make everyone happy. While most people don't really perform their social responsibility well, I don't see the reason why should I be fearful to defy them, so long as I know it's the right way to go. I just don't care, no matter how poker your faces can be. I got how horrible your faces can be already, don't have to keep reminding me everytime you see me by wearing that skema type of face.
Anyway, it's the last day of sept. Time to wake up. Wish Oct can turn out to be an awesome month for me. *pray* :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
So Yesterday
Am in the midst of covering up asses for the upcoming exams and am still in the mood of blogging. Whoopie. Guess I always have this bad habit, of having ideas popping into my head in the midst of studies. =.=
Have been very addicted to "Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum recently. And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind? For me it happens all the time. Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
All these lines were once so true. But all these were just so yesterday. I've gotten over it, and I know it's pointless at this stage reminiscing the perfectly perfect moments when someone would text you, reminding you not to go out of the room all alone in this scary midnight, reminding you that you're still alive in the midst of meeting dead ends for endless reports and work; or someone being so worried because you replied message late just because you went out and had some happy walk in the park, enjoying the breeze with your besties. All these were so yesterday. And I treasure every of these moments, even though you might not remember or even know that you've been so important. And was such a reliable reminder for me. =)
And certain things that I finally comprehend. That there'll always be an invisible gap between any 2 persons of different background. Don't spill everything just because you think you're close enough. Things might turn out to be misinterpreted so badly. It's for the betterment, nonetheless, though was done in a slightly brutal way making me so guilty with the outcome.
Guilt doesn't help. It has made me consider and reconsider, if I'm fit to be here. Or if I'm even favoured to be here. I know it's pointless having such negative thoughts. Should save all the hassles and put into improving myself. But just. Perhaps all these will come to an end soon. It's just a transition period that I just need to bear with and get over it. Don't even think of quitting when I've already clung so tightly to it! :D
Holidays. Even 2 weeks is not enough. Gross. Am going back to reality shortly. Gahh. Should put anxiety into passion where so much surprises awaits and October is coming! Err.. OK. Ya. WILL! :D
Lucks for upcoming exams and events. It's gonna be a blast! Wake me up when September ends.. It marks that October's coming too! ;)
Have been very addicted to "Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum recently. And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind? For me it happens all the time. Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
All these lines were once so true. But all these were just so yesterday. I've gotten over it, and I know it's pointless at this stage reminiscing the perfectly perfect moments when someone would text you, reminding you not to go out of the room all alone in this scary midnight, reminding you that you're still alive in the midst of meeting dead ends for endless reports and work; or someone being so worried because you replied message late just because you went out and had some happy walk in the park, enjoying the breeze with your besties. All these were so yesterday. And I treasure every of these moments, even though you might not remember or even know that you've been so important. And was such a reliable reminder for me. =)
And certain things that I finally comprehend. That there'll always be an invisible gap between any 2 persons of different background. Don't spill everything just because you think you're close enough. Things might turn out to be misinterpreted so badly. It's for the betterment, nonetheless, though was done in a slightly brutal way making me so guilty with the outcome.
Guilt doesn't help. It has made me consider and reconsider, if I'm fit to be here. Or if I'm even favoured to be here. I know it's pointless having such negative thoughts. Should save all the hassles and put into improving myself. But just. Perhaps all these will come to an end soon. It's just a transition period that I just need to bear with and get over it. Don't even think of quitting when I've already clung so tightly to it! :D
Holidays. Even 2 weeks is not enough. Gross. Am going back to reality shortly. Gahh. Should put anxiety into passion where so much surprises awaits and October is coming! Err.. OK. Ya. WILL! :D
Lucks for upcoming exams and events. It's gonna be a blast! Wake me up when September ends.. It marks that October's coming too! ;)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Lil thoughts.
1. Don't trust something too much. Promising guarantees are never absolute.
2. I was never in a position to give any comments, so don't have to apply double standard on me. I just won't go into your way.
3. And so I left. Though I'm reluctant to, and don't have to.
4. Avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it. It could also mean you like it, but you just know it isn't right. Well, I knew it.
5. Being avoided doesn't always mean that you're at fault. It could also mean you're being liked and protected in a different way. =)
2. I was never in a position to give any comments, so don't have to apply double standard on me. I just won't go into your way.
3. And so I left. Though I'm reluctant to, and don't have to.
4. Avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it. It could also mean you like it, but you just know it isn't right. Well, I knew it.
5. Being avoided doesn't always mean that you're at fault. It could also mean you're being liked and protected in a different way. =)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
旻弈大人请振作 orz
真希望自己能够做到五蠹不侵的境界。每次警惕了自己的事、答应了自己要卸下的包袱，始终不能乖乖地将之放下。虽然这种期待是快乐的，但是沉默太久回首反省时，又有种说不出所以然的失落感，笑问一切是否值得时更是自责。放下，真的是一门学问。很多时候都会睹物思人、触景生情，沉溺在以往的欢笑，有时又会一直活在对未来计划的憧憬中，因之忘了把握当下。真是目光浅短，呜呼哀哉！>.<
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啊啊啊~~ 全能的水旻弈，请振作点！！！
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啊啊啊~~ 全能的水旻弈，请振作点！！！
Friday, June 18, 2010
Mortals
Have actually been pondering on so many things lately. So many things, that I'm too lazy to write that down. Friendship, relationship, kinship, passion, all the mortal stuff in this world. So many things arose, that forced me into accepting the fact (again) that nothing's absolute. Even if it's long lost friend, that nowadays you don't find the passion in contacting each other anymore, it doesn't absolutely mean you hate him/her. Vice versa. Environment changes, forcing people to change. Everything seems so fragile.
That very pessimistic idea has once brought me into believing that it's best not to put in too much of passion into anything. The wisest thing to do is to keep a balance. Too much of pessimism makes someone passive, unambitious and dull. Be passionate in everything we do, yet not to let anything harm us. The only non-evolving theory is “evolution” itself. Don't be too depressed over something, at the same time, don't be overjoyed. Sounds like a philosopher, sounds like acting wise, but these are the points that I've been demanding myself to achieve this.
Life's been boring as well lately. Sigh. I know that actually depends on how wise I intend it to be, but, sigh, really have no idea since when I've turned into man with thousand worries. >.< (Sighing twice within a sentence doesn't sound like a good start though) Hope I can awesomely survive this month, before more “FUN” awaits!
But above all, I still believe in certain immortal things that I can still have faith in. Religion, which is a very subjective idea, that so long you believe in your own God's existence, He'll always be there; parents' love which is always the purest; and myself.
That very pessimistic idea has once brought me into believing that it's best not to put in too much of passion into anything. The wisest thing to do is to keep a balance. Too much of pessimism makes someone passive, unambitious and dull. Be passionate in everything we do, yet not to let anything harm us. The only non-evolving theory is “evolution” itself. Don't be too depressed over something, at the same time, don't be overjoyed. Sounds like a philosopher, sounds like acting wise, but these are the points that I've been demanding myself to achieve this.
Life's been boring as well lately. Sigh. I know that actually depends on how wise I intend it to be, but, sigh, really have no idea since when I've turned into man with thousand worries. >.< (Sighing twice within a sentence doesn't sound like a good start though) Hope I can awesomely survive this month, before more “FUN” awaits!
But above all, I still believe in certain immortal things that I can still have faith in. Religion, which is a very subjective idea, that so long you believe in your own God's existence, He'll always be there; parents' love which is always the purest; and myself.
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