Read, Write, Travel

So I've been meaning to keep a journal to depict my gloriously happy, carefree holiday life, but have lacked motivation due to the long list of books I've yet to read. Plus, with more reading, I realize the more I write, the greater the exposure of me as a truly amateur writer, thus. Now I guess I'll just set aside the ego of wanting to always sound sassy and smart in my writings, and just be plain.

Confession: I've come to the big realization that reading is my life. I've always thought that writing is, too. I even started spending time away from my books few years ago and worked on my own novel. I'd just sit there and think of the world and other random annoying things and wait for ideas to come in. The point I realized writing is not part of my talents (yet), was when I read the skeleton of the so-called novel I've started 5 years back, my age entirely reflected in those writings. Stay with a writer long enough and you'd see the shadows of him/herself among the book characters. For my novel, try as I may to cover up, almost all of the characters have the shadows of people around me. So amateur. I'm not as mature to compose independent characters solely on my mind yet I guess. Same goes to my descriptive skills. I've lacked the patience to focus on describing the place setting and the individual emotions in each character, thus making the novel a plain narration, painfully lacking in-depth analysis and main theme behind the story.

There are novels and stories that are exhilarating, but at the end of the reading, you realize it's a story for entertainment. It's a book for learning vocabs and writing styles, that's it. I don't want my book to end like that. At the end of my story, as much as I want the people to feel entertained, I want them to ponder on things, and think of the many what-ifs in the story, or even put themselves into the character and think, what if. And hopefully they'll spring into actions for things they've been meaning to do but lacked motivation nevertheless. If my name ever makes it to a book cover, I hope this is what my readers get from me. Writing a novel itself is difficult task, because unlike elementary and high schools where the essay titles are repetitive and predictable, you can strengthen your writing by just reading enough sample essays. And that, exactly, is the downfall of language education in the country I suppose. To be narrative and descriptive takes observation. Of the surroundings, of the people, of the sentence structures and core ideas of the books we read. And the list goes on. And thus, I've decided to cruelly abort the planning I'd earlier laid down for my novel (most likely in fetal state, if not embryo), and start anew.

Reading has been so important since the revolutionary invention of printing technology by Johannes Gutenberg in 15^th century. However, the emergence of Internet and Google in the 20^th century and smart devices in the 21^st have long made people resort to easily Google only when a piece of information is needed, neglecting the importance of building knowledge foundation through consistent reading. Not to mention how much time we've wasted in the black hole of Internet and networking websites (perhaps it's only me). I've long neglected reading too. I'd often be too tired from academic lessons and assignments to think of any subject apart from my lessons. So that's what holidays are for. This holiday has been the most productive holiday to date, thanks to a book fair where all the most exquisite collection of books are brought out of the closets (shelves, or maybe storerooms) and sold at very affordable prices.

There's an old saying in China which encourages walking a thousand miles rather than to read a thousand books. Of course that means travelling. In the past, travelling were not made as complicated as these days. There're passport and Visa procedure charges, flight tickets, bus fares and hotel rooms to pay for, travelling tips and crime rates to be aware of before getting to a desired destination, and then to pay for entrance fee again (OK I admit I'm far too realistic and sceptical to be a carefree backpacker). So that narrows down the number of places you can really go, unless you one day wake up in Sharpay's room where everything is in all shades of pink and fluffy and asthma-inducing with infinity number of platinum cards and estates. Since I'm still here with parents who over worry and get paranoia every time I travel to somewhere new, I decided that reading is the new way of cheap and easy travelling. No need for planning the journey and researching for more places to cram into the limited days.

In the past 5 weeks, I've visited Egypt; England through the Hundred Years War to the tales of the 6 wives of Henry VIII; France during Napoleon era; travelled through time to America when Columbus first found it (but mistook it for India even in his deathbed), when She has not even claimed its independence and then eventually progressing to the point of sharing Martin Luther King's American dream; and all the way to Germany when Neuchwanstein Castle was first built, to the golden era when Beethoven, Bach, Wagner and Handel inspired the world with music and Johannes Gutenberg's printer catalyzing the promotion of literacy in the world, until some extremist called Adolf Hitler came bombing the name of Germany to ashes in the eyes of the world.

Having read about history and great people in the few countries I could manage in this short period, I agree that travelling is going to enhance my knowledge and I just know I'm going to do it for real in the future when I can fund my own vacations (and shopping). However pretty the pictures and illustrations in the books, to have actually walked in the castles and squares are different. Imagine walking in Bath together with Jane Austen in parallel universe; Leeds Castle with young Catherine and Owen Tudor; in Milan with Leonardo da Vinci; Chambord Castle with Henry II and Diana (much to Catherine de Medici's jealousy); and in Heidelberg Schloss with Goethe and the Jewish Marianna where Goethe wrote,

“I lost my heart in Heidelberg, on a balmy summer night 

In love head over heels, oh were she all mine 

And like a rose, her laughing mouth my light as by the gates she said good-bye 

That last sweet kiss, it did confirm once more 

I'd lost my heart in Heidelberg forever, my heart still beats on Neckar's shore

Whatever happened to you, since you and I did part 

Oh Heidelberg of legend, you German paradise? 

I went away and left you, left wine and happy days 

I long to be, I long to be, back in your arms always.”

while Marianna wrote,

“In the high walls where flowers blossom, I found my beloved him.”

Reading, writing and travelling. Perhaps one day, I can do them all.

The very reason I'll be so homesick in 3 weeks. 

Flight of Ideas

It has been 3 months since Year 4 started. I've been so preoccupied with other things that I didn't even have the liberty to sit down quietly and reflect what is going on. And now that the second posting is coming to its end, I reckon it's time to spend some time for this.

The hangover from year end holidays was intense this time. The older I grow, the more intense these hangovers become. As the clock starts ticking, 21st birthday is approaching. Adulthood is just around the corner. The unmerciful evolution of time constantly reminds me of the new responsibilities I shall bear with physical aging. I became so afraid to go to bed during holidays, thinking that days at home would just slip away day by day. I frantically tried to freeze time, but I couldn't.

And then the holidays ended. This time it ended with a rare outing with my parents on Mother's Day. At least some kind of memories before I return to my academic term, pretending that I'm not homesick; pretending that the friends I love so much in home town do not exist.

Thankfully, PSY posting had been a bliss. Apart from the super flexible schedule, I actually loved the posting itself. I just love talking I guess. No one in the ward planned for this to happen. It was the stress that they thought they couldn't resolve. They needed ears to listen to their stories. So imaginary voices and visions started kicking in as part of relief of the stress. To share their stories. But the longer they're trapped in the world, the more they are detached from reality. They cannot engage with the reality anymore. No. That wasn't the solution. You can allow yourself to be crazy and wild sometimes, give your heart a break, but in the end you must remember to stay headstrong and solve whatever problems you have in life. No one is born free in this world - everyone is bound to certain obligations in life to some extent. No man is an island, and everyone's bound to someone else. Just when you're on the verge of breaking down, think of your family members. For the good or bad things you do, they will be there to face the consequences with you, so be responsible with any decisions you make.

PSY posting came and left. Thankfully ENT posting has been interesting with real nice doctors, too. I'll miss the funny doctor who out of the blue made a very random funky smile at you, funky doctor as mad as mad hatter but smart like a genius, brotherly doctor who offered to help you with logbook and forbid you from calling him "doctor", doctor who acted indifferent but actually cared about his students (errr he probably did, let's assume he did). Not to forget the very friendly patients! Some of them had to wear tracheostomy tube and had phonation problems. But they still talked very patiently although they've been clerked by many students beforehand. May God bless them. The posting is a real short one, 3 weeks and it's coming to an end soon. I'm going to miss this posting, just like how I've missed PSY Department. I'll only go through these postings once and I'm glad they have brought good memories.

Lately I have been pondering on a few things too. The idea of friendship. In life we need many friends. A friend introduces new horizons into your life; tolerates your imperfection and respects them as part of you; reflects your weaknesses like a mirror and then teaches you patiently like a teacher; takes care of you and nags at your like a mother; guides you when you're a lost sheep; playfully fights with you like siblings but fights the one who bullied you like a real Spartan; builds your confidence like a guru. All these may not be the same person. It's okay anyway.

But it all boils down to a common point: friends must be empowering, and the effort should be mutual for it to be sustainable. To find one like this is hard, so why don't start being one? Plant a seed of passion, nurture it with patience, and time will bear the fruit of friendship. :)



 01:26am

 Good morning world. Goodnight, the very lost Yit. @@

Gush of Gratitude

Of thunderous applause, whistles, fireworks, ushers and red carpet..

Say Hi! and Welcome! to my new virtual pet, Pete the Penguin! *grins.

He's now standing in the right column, excited to meet you fine people! He has infinite curiosity so his head follows your cursor all the time. As clumsy as Fergie's song, click on him more than 5 times and he'll fall into the water. Ha ha!

Hmm apart from kidnapping a penguin and exhibit it here I don't know how else to make my blog prettier. Now I'm jealous of those creative and "celik-IT" bloggers. While I'm still looking for a blogger guru or a hot IT boyfriend I wouldn't mind.. Let's just say I like to keep things simple.

Few things I wanna say in this entry:

1. I miss my primary school friend, the only person I could discuss literature with. But now that 10 years have passed, we're now in different country settings, blah blah blah, circumstances have shaped us into 2 different persons although we used to be on the same starting point. I hope this friendship is mutually treasured though.

2. I miss my high school friends. I treasure the laughter we used to share, the effort in making/choosing the presents for me, not forgetting the hugs we shared and the tears we shed on the day of graduation. Good friends (although best friends change with time, sad but true story) are meant to be remembered forever. I may not actively contact you frequently but when I'm alone reflecting things, I do think of you.

3. I love my course mates. Although walls start to build as years go by - for reasons as simple as time to reasons as complicated as organisational work and dissatisfaction - when I read back the birthday regards they wrote for my 19th in my 2nd year, I'm very much amused and appreciate your kind words at that point.

Among the most popular remarks about me in the birthday regards include me being outspoken, cheerful and an active debater. Yea I was once a busy but nonetheless happy person because I had so much jokes leftover in my brain to laugh at - mind you I'm one with abundant laugh receptors so I can still laugh so hard at a particular joke days after the last training. I hope I won't lose my humorous touch even after being apart from these cool and funny bunch of debaters. So here goes point #4.

4. I miss the times being so active in debate, never missing out any important occasions and get-together. This past year I've been missing out tournaments, training and even simple parties for reasons ranging from being in Tg Karang, stuck in busy posting, on holidays, etc. Pffffft. Reflecting back, now I'm glad at least I gave my support for training in Year 1 and helped out training juniors in Year 2, when life was young and gay and I could still have fun. :/ At least. I'm guilty for being such coward and so-not-persistent, but I've been away for way too long I now feel awkward for existing in tournament (good example being Avicenna Debate but luckily the juniors are good enough not to make me feel it) and even training in future. Despite all that complicated emotions, of course if the timing is right I'd absolutely and shamelessly chip in and say, "Whaddup people!" :P

5. I miss the AMSA moments, too. I used to drop the idea of joining AMSA in early 1st year because I thought it sounded too cool that I might not be on par with the members. (contradiction because I joined debate? But I thought of debate as a channel of personal development while AMSA is a group work, so big chance of me destroying the team if I'm a hopeless dumbo) Anyhow I still impudently crashed into the team in 2nd year (yea that's so like me), not knowing this is yet another platform where I improved so much and had fun organising events. On top of all, I'm glad I grabbed the one chance to present a paper in an international setting. Since it is one realistic and cruel organisation that you can't stay for forever, it's the junior's empire now and I hope they cherish the days.

6. I'm starting to miss my home so, so much despite the fact I'm at home. And I'm loving that moments of serenity now that my parents are over the whatever-issue-which-bothered-them-for-many-years-but-refused-to-apologise-to-each-other. I think this time the serenity will be for long, so I've grown to love the house, home and family even, even more. *hearts.



With so many things to miss about in my life..

I feel blessed. =)

加油！

忍人所不能忍。加油！没有什么是过不去的，没啥大不了。

Reflection attributed to remarkable cartoon productions

This is a post after wee days of movie indulgence, cartoons and Disney in specific, all thanks to the bad Internet connection I get after onlining for >9 hours per day during paper preparation. *throw stones at Maxis company for the little quota given after having people pay for so much.

Here goes. I remember myself being the snotty little kid refusing to grow up, fantasising life being Peter Pan. After getting a closer look on the character, I beg to differ to Peter's mindset. He was so weak, so immature that he didn't even dare to take up the adventure of growing up. Not even Wendy can induce his will and curiosity to try it out. He seemed to like the kind of family love Wendy has, but this is the one happiness that he'll be barred from forever so long he doesn't find his courage. Come to think of it, being Peter is not fun, at all. He had to give up family love, the true adventure of growing up, and the biggest price of all, romance and Wendy. And it's fascinating that he didn't even realise it. He's just a child, after all. An immature true love simply doesn't mean a thing, at least not to Wendy. Wendy ended up with someone else, just like any other sweet girl should and would. And that's what I admire Wendy for. As much as she fancies Peter, she never forgets her own responsibilities towards her parents and her true destiny of growing up. She has a remarkable capability of seeing what's right and what's wrong.

Remarkable lady indeed. Mulan, another brilliant lady who impressed me a lot. I admire her will at doing something. Once she made her decision of going to the battle on behalf of her old father she never meant to succumb to hardship. Being a girl makes it hard for her, specifically the disguise part that she had to spend extra time for. She did it, and finally brought pride to the Hua family by doing something she was good at. She sucked a big time at struggling to be the perfect woman waiting all life just to be married - she's just so much more than that. As a result of her extraordinary bravery and determination, apart from family pride, more importantly she won Li Xiang's heart. Scouting a General boyfriend, was, yet another form of "family pride" her mother and grandmother had been so obssessed with. *winks.

Of course all these pride that Mulan enjoyed in the cartoon wouldn't have happened without the supportive roles Mu Xu and the cricket played. And this brings us perfectly to the next point about friendship. Speak of friendship the first thing that strikes me is definitely The Toy Story series. The loyalty and determination Woody portrayed was touching all the time. The way he never gave up on his friends, and always prove to his friends that he was right even sometimes when his friends doubted him. How I enjoy the show about toys being so perfectly loyal to their owners. This brings me to another wild question if my toys were secretly having meeting trying to grab my attention. Rest assured, I love them all as always, and I'll always hope that I'll have my children enjoy their time playing around with them, so that the toys will feel complete being played with again. Apart from toy friends I have a loyal friend in real, too. I wish she knows how worried I was when I knew she was frustrated but not the entire story, and how relieved I was after getting the truth from her. Kindness is one thing that is hard to be repayed by any form of gift, but I hope she knows how I appreciate the friendship and kinship earnestly. :)

Apart from that, I've finally filled in my shallow brain with another piece of knowledge that Pocahontas really existed. She is not only a Disney character but also a historical figure in South American history. It is a mystery forever why she married John Rolfe instead of Smith after what she did to Smith. Possibly if Conan really existed, this mystery could be answered. But speaking of Conan it is another story to be dealth with later. John Smith met Pocahontas first, and she rescued him - if it is ever true, of course it would be of the trust she had in Smith. It has certainly been a wild journey to a whole new world, and that's why Pocahontas is yet another wonderful woman I admire a lot. She went out from her comfort zone being the princess of native Americans and sailed the way to England, married a man there, learnt a whole new language, tradition and took up new religion.

I have an upcoming journey, to a whole new world, too. Of course on a smaller scale. Right now I can almost see it - the dream I'm dreaming. The dream that I've always been doubting if I'll ever reach. Now that I'm almost there, I hope I'll be granted undying passion to keep the spirit burning. When I was in Year 1 I once visited the hospital of my institution and decided that the subsequent fight I'm facing, it is for coming here. It is indeed a conducive place to learn, and I know this is one place where I find myself completely growing up. I'm scared of the uncertainties about the initial stage of adaptation, but now that I'm another step closer to my dream, I should show it some courage to prove that I deserve this chance.

In Just Like Heaven, Liz gave her whole life to the hospital, and she finally found time for true love as a ghost almost dying. She was so strong and independent when alive, the accident, after all, did no harm but gave her something she deserved long time ago. Movies are always sweet, because even before they all started, movie characters are already paired up. They'd have known that no matter how miserable they appeared in the start, the ending is always rewarding.

Having that in mind, and all romantic thoughts instilled by Disney, I've always believed that my life will be exactly how I pictured. My life will get better, I'll live like an elegant woman with someone to share life with. When you believe, somehow you will achieve it. You might want to give me a slap, a hard one on my face, that I'm simply too old for fantasies, and I should build those castles on a more solid ground. Well I don't deny, but somehow I just couldn't resist but dream on. Life is only beautiful when you have something to tell your nerves and sinews that it is all worth the fight.

Finally, a short reflection attributed to Conan. His birthday was 2 days ago and I couldn't believe that I did nothing about it, not even watching an episode of the series. I find it worrying that I can no longer find interest in something I once believed in so much. I lost my interest in the long series of Conan, I grew tired of reading books about history. Well you might say historical books never entertain any young minds but I say ancient wisdom was something I once indulged in. The hectic life of studying and fulfilling obligations are definitely responsible for me hating to flip a book these days. But this is what holidays is about, probably. To free your mind totally from solemn things like knowledge. Frankly all these while my holidays had been about achieving and learning something. At least I always did something intellectual during holidays to keep my brain functional and alive. And now that I've completed my part on the solemn paper research I should reward myself with some unreasonably relaxing movie days. With no guilt. :)

Of Miracles and Sunshine

First of all, thank Almighty Goddess for the great miracle You created. I will now pray for will power and undying passion in striving through clinical years. Not exaggerating, this truly reflects how amazed I am for being able to strive through this level. GIT was a true disaster - having zero idea for 3 essay questions, who knew I'd make it. Had been having fun with a certain burden deep inside - and now removed!

Finally enjoying the first movie I'm watching - The Parent Trap. now I have a burning desire to have a twin sister. @___@

And lastly, thank you sunshine, for making my clouds disappear yesterday night. :P

Of Exceptions and Mysteries

Time to wipe away all the cobwebs in this blog which has been long forgotten since the mysteriously joyful post in Jan.

February had been a bliss. Nothing in specific happened, but somehow it's been another special month. Reflecting back, I must've been crazy to be that overjoyed by the series of insignificant occassions. But somehow I just did. And now that it just ceased, which I know it should have, I kinda miss it already. Anyhow, what's wrong with breaking lil principles in life? We make exceptions, occassional crazy thoughts, as long as it doesn't steer you too far from your original life plans. Then again, what kind of plans are we talking about anyway? Not everything in life is rehearsed, and not all rehearsed moments happen in the end.

Although towards the end of month certain grey storms strike, projects and expectations marched in, grumpily, but good thing I've sorted all out. The current concerns would be topic for JC -> Teens' Dream Project -> Finals -> Research paper. All these, luckily, would end on 1st of May. =) and the outcome? Let God decide. By then I would've been sitting back, smiling at the laptop, drinking a hot cup of drink, appreciating the work we've been through for the whole semester. Looking forward to that day already! =) Life's great, but you need to overlook certain gloomy things that impede your progression.

And a few lessons that I've learnt.

1. Those happy occassions that draw ripples in your lake of emotions are not necessarily sweet. It could be sweet poison that you can't always rely on it for happy essence.

2. Those eeew-looking stuff, the deep sh*t that you claimed you're caught in between, could be the best catalyst that pushed your forward. So be grateful before making any defensive actions.

Oh wait. This post was supposed to be another mystically happy post. And it turned out to be a very work-oriented dictation. Never mind. Shall now flood my minds with medical knowledge now. Toodle-oo!